These Phrases shared by A Dad Which Saved Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You require support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider failure to talk between men, who often internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - spending a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."